This year, I am abiding in John 15. My word of the year is “fruitful,” so it is fitting. Particularly the first half, which reads like a beautiful poem:

I am the true vine,
and my Father is the vinedresser.

Every branch in me that does not bear fruit
he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit
he prunes, that it may bear more fruit.

Already you are clean
because of the word that I have spoken to you.

Abide in me, and I in you.

As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself,
unless it abides in the vine,
neither can you, unless you abide in me.

I am the vine; you are the branches.

Whoever abides in me and I in him,
he it is that bears much fruit,
for apart from me you can do nothing.

If anyone does not abide in me,
he is thrown away like a branch and withers;
and the branches are gathered,
thrown into the fire, and burned.

If you abide in me, and my words abide in you,
ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.

By this my Father is glorified,
that you bear much fruit
and so prove to be my disciples.

John 15:1-8 ESV

Remain vs. Abide

The key part of this scripture for me is the action that brings about the fruit: abiding. Different translations use the word “abide” while most newer ones use “remain.” I can picture what “remain” means, as in “remain plugged in,” but I am fascinated by the word “abide.”

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Merriam-Webster dictionary defines abide as “to bear patiently: tolerate,” or “to endure without yielding: withstand” as in, “I cannot abide such hypocrites.” Then there is an archaic form, and this is the version I believe Jesus meant: “to wait for” or “to remain stable or fixed in a state,” as in “a love that abided with him all his days.”

Meanwhile, remain means “to be a part not destroyed, taken, or used up” or “to stay in the same place or with the same person or group.”

Fixed Yet Transformed

So, revisiting the scripture, the abiding that Jesus is referring to is a sense of being “fixed” in place, yet being transformed from the inside out: “Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit.” The branch must stay in place, close to the source; it cannot move.

I love the imagery of a vine growing long and wild but still connected to a source. The idea that it can never grow by itself is obvious to us. It needs to be attached to something. Just like us. We need to be attached to something.

Jesus posits that he is the true vine, the true thing to be attached to. Everything else leads to being cut off or withering. It seems harsh, but as a gardner you don’t want a withered or dead branch to continue to be attached. It will draw precious resources away from the other branches that are healthy. So you decide to cut it off.

What’s interesting is that only the gardener (the vinedresser) can make this decision. They have to be experienced enough to know what a healthy branch looks like, as well as the point of no return, at which a dying or dead branch has to be removed when there is absolutely no hope left. And branches can die for many reasons: they don’t get enough water or sunlight; they’re growing in an awkward position, or they are injured by something, etc. But it’s the gardener who sees all this and makes adjustments.

So the importance of abiding is made plain. It’s life or death for the branch.

Architecture of Abide

So, going by this imagery, maybe abiding means:

1. To stay attached (Every branch in me)

2. Stay connected (Abide in me, and I in you.)

3. Receive precious resources (ask whatever you wish)

4. Be transformed (he prunes, that it may bear more fruit)

5. Live with other branches (branches, plural)

6. Bear fruit (bear more fruit)

7. Make the gardener happy (By this my Father is glorified)

8. Bear much more fruit (and so prove to be my disciples.)

It’s the Gospel in shortform. The Father loves us, cares for us, and sent his Son to help us stay connected to him. The Son sent the Holy Spirit to help us remain in his love.

It’s a beautiful picture of the Kingdom.

As of this writing, the price of gold is $5,052….per ounce!

I once almost bought gold back in 2006 when it was $696. Not that I had the money, but I had good instincts to invest then.

Then, I almost bought silver when it was $15 back in 2018. Now that I could have afforded. If I had bought $50 worth, I would have $366 today. That’s because silver is also exploding and hit an all-time high of $120 this week.

And my last investor sob story is that I almost bought Bitcoin at $3,000 (now $82,745) and Ethereum at $150 (now $2,741). Actually, my first Substack was on crypto investing for women. That’s what made me start investing, realizing that time was on the move, and if you think twice about investing, you miss out on compounding growth.

So, as a retail investor, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how I may have missed my opportunity to stack bars.

Then God spoke to me clearly and made a link I had been missing:

You still have a chance to stack gold, just change your framework:

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth,
where moths and vermin destroy,
and where thieves break in and steal.
But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven,
where moths and vermin do not destroy,
and where thieves do not break in and steal.
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Matthew 6:19-21

Then I remembered whatever we value here and whatever we feel we missed out on in this life will be exponentially exceeded in the life to come. And while here we have to worry about keeping our investments safe from thieves and even the up and down cycles of the markets, but in heaven there is no such thing. What’s yours is yours forever.

Notwithstanding the false doctrine of the Prosperity Gospel, we don’t talk much about this, perhaps because we don’t want to seem greedy and like the only reason we want to go to heaven is for the riches.

But the Bible talks a lot about how wealthy God is and how abundantly rich heaven is. Count how many treasures are in this passage alone:

The wall was made of jasper, and the city was pure gold, as clear as glass. The wall of the city was built on foundation stones inlaid with twelve precious stones: the first was jasper, the second sapphire, the third agate, the fourth emerald, the fifth onyx, the sixth carnelian, the seventh chrysolite, the eighth beryl, the ninth topaz, the tenth chrysoprase, the eleventh jacinth, the twelfth amethyst. The twelve gates were made of pearls—each gate from a single pearl! And the main street was pure gold, as clear as glass. I saw no temple in the city, for the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are its temple.

Revelation 21:18-22 NLT

Paul also talks about the rewards in heaven:

Anyone who builds on that foundation may use a variety of materials, gold, silver, jewels, wood, hay, or straw. But on the judgment day, fire will reveal what kind of work each builder has done. The fire will show if a person’s work has any value. If the work survives, that builder will receive a reward. '

1 Corinthians 3:12-14 NLT

All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize.

1 Corinthians 9:25

Jesus does to:

But when you give to someone in need, don’t let your left hand know what your right hand is doing. Give your gifts in private, and your Father, who sees everything, will reward you. '

Matthew 6:3-4

The servants who are ready and waiting for his return will be rewarded.
I tell you the truth, he himself will seat them, put on an apron, and serve them as they sit and eat! He may come in the middle of the night or just before dawn. But whenever he comes, he will reward the servants who are ready. '

Luke 12:37-38

God blesses you when people mock you and persecute you and lie about you and say all sorts of evil things against you because you are my followers. Be happy about it! Be very glad! For a great reward awaits you in heaven.

Matthew 5:11-12

Lastly, it just so happens that the verse of the year at my church has the word reward in it:

So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord.
Remember the great reward it brings you!
Patient endurance is what you need now,
so that you will continue to do God’s will.
Then you will receive all that he has promised.
“For in just a little while,
the Coming One will come and not delay.”

Hebews 10:35-37

I wonder what these rewards are? Either way, it seems that they will be regarded as a reward or a prize. I don’t just think he means just everlasting life, although James does mention a “crown of life” in James 1:12. No, since we will already be in heaven, eternal life is assumed. There seems to be something more.

The fact is, we worry so much about what we are accumulating here on Earth and in this life, but do we obsess enough about what our reward will be in heaven? If we were to pick one to worry about, isn’t the eternal one more important?

There are numerous scriptures about fair wages, the distribution of talents, and even extravagant offerings and giving, which lead me to believe that God has an amazing afterlife waiting for us, far, far beyond what we can even imagine.

Why? Because that’s what he talked about. A lot. And, also, that’s his nature.

He’s a generous God.

Yaweh is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him.

This is my favorite Bible verse:

“Look, the Lamb of God,
who takes away the sin of the world!”

John 1:29

The first time I read this scripture, I teared up. Then I reread it, and I had the same reaction. Some time later, I, unprepared, re-read it, and the same thing happened: tears overwhelmed me with emotion.

So I thought: I guess this is my favorite verse now!

I find it so moving because it’s the Gospel in one short, impactful sentence.

Hannah Heather from Lectio365 writes,

“Announcing Jesus as a lamb has an immediately graphic implication in the minds of those listening. The only way a lamb deals with the problem of sin is through death when it is killed as a sacrifice. Jesus is the lamb of God who will die in order to take away my sin: not just overlook it, but take it away, removing its sting for eternity.”

January 7, 2026 Lectio 365 Devotion

Here’s a breakdown of why this sentence is so powerful and packed with meaning:

1. We are urged to LOOK! 👀 - Some translations say “Behold,” others have “Look!” an exclamation. There is an urgency in this word, a beckoning, a compelling call. Look, or you might miss him.

2. We are told there is a LAMB 🐑 - As Heather said above, the lamb can only mean one thing: atonement, sacrifice, death. But also, I’m struck by the innocence with which the poor lamb must bear the sins of the world.

3. He is OF GOD ☀️ - God sends the Lamb. He came from heaven on a mission. John 1:29 is perhaps the most cited verse because it is said every day by Catholics around the world in the Lamb of God prayer.

4. He TAKES AWAY ❌ - It is finished. It is gone. No continual, daily, weekly, monthly, yearly atonement for sins with the shedding of animal blood. One perfect man did it all. See Hebrews 9:13-14

5. THE SIN OF THE WORLD 🌎 - What a weight! On such a small, cute, fluffy animal. The visual is stunning to me. It is a very inadequate visual to portray the magnitude of Christ’s sacrifice.

It’s been a minute since I shared a video. I have been reflecting on, indeed, captivated by this interview. John Burke has spent his life documenting near-death experiences (NDEs) and was recently interviewed by Abigail Robertson from CBN.

It has transformed my faith.

Nearly Universal Accounts of Jesus, Heaven, and Hell

I have been learning about NDEs for about 6-7 years now. Watching accounts to determine what people experience when they temporarily transition into the other realm. What was so transformative about this, and as you’ll learn from John Burke’s accounts, is that no matter the background, race, gender, age, location, and religion (he has interviewed atheists, agnostics, Buddhists, Hindus, Jews, and Christians), they all seem to say the same thing and have a common theme about their transition into the afterlife. And note, he only interviews people who were declared clinically dead, some more than a few hours. So these are not hallucinations.

They coded in a hospital, drowned, were crushed…and died. Then came back to tell us all what they experienced.

There’s also a part two on what NDEs report on hell:

Commonalities in the Stories

1. They immediately left their body upon being declared dead

2. They floated up or went through a tunnel and were met with angels, a welcoming committee (family, friends).

3. They have sharpened senses and communicate through their thoughts

4. Many see Jesus

The ones that see Jesus report feeling immense, overwhelming love. And sometimes get a “life review,” where their life is played before them like a movie, moment by moment. Time doesn’t operate the same way, so that they can see everything at once.

What I love is that they don’t want to come back, they want to stay with him and in heaven. But he usually tells them it’s not their time and they need to go back.

Here’s the part that got me. When they ask what they should do, he tells them the same thing over and over: love people. Love everyone. And the reason for this is that Jesus uses everything. Every smile, kind hello, warm hug, act of forgiveness, taking someone food when they're sick, a short prayer for a friend. Feeding the homeless. He uses it all for good and to further his Kingdom.

Glory to God!

Jesus Uses Our Love as a Kinetic Force

This has just wrecked me because, as someone who loves theology and learning about Church history and great Saints of the past, I am just floored that it’s really that simple: love your neighbor. But don’t we know this already?

1. Let all that you do be done in love. 1 Corinthians 16:14

2. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:8

3. Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8

4. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. Colossians 3:14

5. So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

   1 Corinthians 13:13

6. A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. John 13:34-35

7. Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. 1 John 4:7

Love the Lord your God
with all your heart and with all your soul
and with all your mind and with all your strength.
The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’
There is no commandment greater than these.

Mark 12:30-31 NIV

And so many, many more.

The Mercy of Jesus Makes Evangelism Easy

It has given me a new perspective on evangelism. If love is the currency of the Gospel, I need only love whoever God puts in my path. Not necessarily preach to them the four spiritual laws, or about atonement, sanctification, justification, and resurrection. All that will come. But they find God through love.

The NDE accounts of hell show how, when people remember a prayer or cry out to God to save them, he appears and starts pulling them out of the abyss and darkness. He then tells them essentially to “go and sin no more,” and they are sent back to earth. Burke says of all the people he’s interviewed who went to “hell,” all of them changed their lives radically and lived for God.

Why would they do that if they didn’t encounter the real, saving power of Jesus?

The tremendous mercy of God is also on display since there seems to be this liminal space or tunnel, whatever it is, that allows people to make one final decision: do you want to spend eternity with God or without? I wonder if this is what Catholics call purgatory? I wonder if it means our prayers for those who are already dying or dead are effective?

So interesting to think about!

All I know is that I have gotten a quadruple espresso shot of faith. from these videos, and it has changed how I live.

Sometimes you don’t know which way to turn.

And it seems like the God of the universe, who knows everything and exists outside of time and space, would be happy to tell you.

Indeed, he says,

“I will instruct you and teach you
in the way you should go;
I will guide you with My eye.”

Psalm 32:8 NKJV

and

Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying,
“This is the way, walk in it,”
Whenever you turn to the right hand
Or whenever you turn to the left.

Isaiah 30:21 NKJV

And yet. AND YET!

It is still often difficult to discern which way we should go.

Why is this?

The Sovereignty of God

A great portion of my 2025 has been exploring this. What are the mechanisms available to us as believers for discernment? I have written about this a lot on this blog.

One thing I find very odd is that you can be praying, pleading for the voice of the Lord in one area of your life, while in a completely unrelated area, he is speaking loud and clear. Even sending prophets to confirm the word to you!

And I say, “Yes, thank you, Lord, but what about this matter?”

It’s almost like he is showing me that he is…sovereign.

And that is the word that I have grappled with as well. What does it mean to serve and love and be in relationship with a sovereign God?

The definition of sovereign is the adjective sovereign, meaning: “of the most exalted kind: supreme” or the noun sovereign, “one possessing or held to possess supreme political power or sovereignty”

So it has to do with ultimate power and independence, which is the truth about God: he has absolute power and independence.

And yet, he chooses to give us free will to disobey him. And also to make our own decisions. This tension of free will and God’s sovereignty is where the scriptures get muddled up for me, and life is lived. How much is too much free will?

A lot of the time, I find my prayer being like the title of this post, “God, just tell me what to do!” And I sense the Holy Spirit, always gently, saying, “That’s not how this works.” Then he throws in this very comforting and very mind-boggling truth:

I am with you either way.

How Lord? The choices are so different! Path A and Path B are divergent. What if I choose the wrong one?

There is no wrong path.

Which, now, I begin to wonder if I’m talking to Yoda or God. But if you think about it, it’s true. It’s that sovereignty thing again. If he’s above time, space, and wholly independent, then whatever we do doesn’t matter, right? Now I’m slipping into nihilism.

So, it does matter?

Yes.

Because even if things go “wrong,” God can still redeem them. And also, if something is broken beyond repair, he has one last ace up his sleeve: he is with you, and he gives beauty for ashes.

And that is where my heart has come to rest. On the truth that God is with me. And maybe that is what I need to focus on instead of the path. I’ve written before how sometimes God just wants us to wait on him, but this often means letting go of the matter and resting in the truth that he is…sovereign.

How do you deal with forks in your road?

I have been practicing listening prayer and the other day I heard this:

“Come closer.”

I froze and absorbed the phrase.

Did the God of the universe, Creator of all things tell me to come closer to him?

I felt a sense of honor and humility like I've never felt before. It dawned on me what a marvelous reality we get to live in where a King can talk directly to all his subjects as if we were beside his throne.

It was the shot in the arm I needed for my quiet time and for this new season of my faith. Let's call it this quarters new KPIs and OKRs since I'm in sales and marketing.

Goal for the quarter: come closer to God.

Great! How?

I know him well enough to wait further for instructions, the mode and the details. Just like an invitation, I had received an invite that said: “Save the Date.”

Then came this video by Jamie Winship about Identity that rocked my world:

Identity Theft

We all have been victims of identity theft. The enemy, the world, our upbringing, community, and country moves in to ascribe an identity to us that is supposed to stay the same our whole lives. Sometimes it can be a positive one. The work of the Christian is to find out if this identity is what God says about us. One clue though, it's usually something you can trace from childhood.

I did this over the weekend, prompted by the video, and realized that I am an ambassador. It was such a great lightbulb moment. I traced in my mind all the markers:

1. Growing up on three different continents, I had to reorient myself to completely different cultures all the time.

2. Being a teenager and being enthralled with the missionary adventures of Paul and asking God if I can do that one day.

3. In grad school studying African Studies so I could one day be an…ambassador

4. During the time of my renewing my faith in Jesus, this scripture was written on my heart:

So we are Christ’s ambassadors;
God is making his appeal through us.
We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!”

2 Corinthians 5:20 NLT

For some reason, I always feel like I'm “on” representing God. I have always felt this way as a child, sometimes out of fear, often out of love and a sense of responsibility for people to know God--to be reconciled to him. It's my shared interest with God: how can I represent him in the best possible way?

What is Your Identity?

What is something you have done, from childhood, that is still with you today? Are you a giver, listener, or counselor? Are you a protector, healer, or advocate? Are you a leader, cultivator, or nurturer? Are you a fighter, teacher, or communicator? Are you a friend, financier, or planner? An ambassador like me?

You can get very granular with this. There are so many forms of identity that God can give to live out in whatever job/vocation you have.

I took a looong break from writing, but I’m back getting in the swing of things!

I’ve missed this blog and community so much! ❤️

In the meantime, I have settled in Dallas, bought a house, and have a new promising relationship. I thank and bless God.

What is God Saying to Me This Season?

I am doing the Bible in a year again, this will be the 12th time I’m reading through the Bible! I can’t even believe it. And it feels new every time. Like I’ve never read it.

I have a Spiritual Director now, she is awesome. I have learned so much about the contemplative life from her. And how to sit with questions and move slowly in the spirit. I’m journaling my prayers which has been transformative for my prayer life. I feel like I have tangible prayers that I will look back on this year and see how God moved. Writing is such an important part of my expression of faith.

Riding the Jesus Wave

I feel a deeper connection with Jesus, seeing when he is in my midst during conversations and challenges. I’m riding a wave of love from Jesus. Feeling more close than I’ve ever felt, more aware of his love and how he IS love. He is the thing love. He is always looking to us in love and with love and through love.

It is something to ponder and behold. “Behold what manner of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God” (1 John 3:1)

The song on my heart right now that we’ve been singing at church is Been So Good by Elevation Worship.

I just love the lyrics of this song, it is my lived reality:

When I think of how You've blessed me
How Your hand has never let me go
Never let me go

You have been so good to me
God, I can't believe how You love me
What a friend You have been
So good to me
God, I can't believe how You love me
What a friend You have been

-Elevation Worship

The Lord is good,
a stronghold in the day of trouble;
he knows those who take refuge in him.

-Nahum 1:7 ESV

I heard a great word from a pastor at my church last week. He said sometimes God will give you a shove into something, or sometimes he will tug on a string, and the softer he pulls, the more he wants to see if you’ll respond.

That’s a whole word.

The soft tug from God reminds me of a new phrase I thought of, “Christian Drift,” (which sounds like a book waiting to be written.) I might just do that.

I’m defining it as the tendency for Christians to drift away or towards something in all areas, big or small. This could be negative if you drift away from your faith and have a “slow fade” until you look back and realize you are far from where you began. But this could also be a good thing if you drift toward something that the Lord is leading you into, like a new theology, dogma, and way of life; as we become more Christlike, we naturally drift towards being formed in his image.

I’m currently experiencing Christian Drift—in a good way. I’m exploring the practices and doctrines of our cousins, the Catholics, and the Orthodox Christians. It has been a fun ride of learning, and surprisingly, I’m coming away as a stronger Protestant. However, I also have deep respect for these two faith practices.

My new favorite YouTube channel is Gavin Ortland’s. Example video:

I sense a drifting away from my Pentecostal roots and towards a more contemplative season. I like the term Contemplative Charismatic. That resonates. I’m starting the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises next week, and it will be a nine-month journey of intentional focus on reflection and hearing the voice of God.

I’m thrilled!

If you’re a faithful reader of this blog, you know that hearing the voice of God has been a theme here. So, I’ll be documenting the richness that comes with spending more time with Him.

Humble yourselves, therefore,
under God’s mighty hand,
that he may lift you up in due time.

1 Peter 5:6 NIV

I will be humbling myself and submitting to this current that is setting me drift on a new adventure.

I’m back from vacation. I visited the UK (England, Scotland) and France with my Mom. It was a blast!

I secretly want to live in London. I grew up there, so I miss it a lot. It was fun reconnecting with friends and family.

I realized that my quiet time and morning routine get derailed when I travel. Any tips on how to maintain a schedule while on vacation?

Now that I’m back and August is almost over I and I’m sure many of you, are looking towards the Fall. I love summer; it’s my favorite season. I know everyone complains about it being hot, but I will take that over cold weather any day. Perhaps it’s the Kenyan-Californian in me. I have been blessed to live in beautiful climates.

But, alas, I know it’s necessary to experience the Fall and Winter seasons. I do love Winter for one thing: Thanksgiving and Christmas.

As we make this seasonal turn towards fall, I reflect on the natural slowdown that happens (then speeding up again during the holiday season). These ebbs and flows are an excellent time to take stock of the last quarter.

I’m reflecting on faithfulness and grace and what it means to show God that you can be faithful to things, too. When I was in London, I loved it so much that I started looking up ways to work there and relocate. Then I had a moment, and the Holy Spirit spoke:

Then I snapped out of it, regrettably, but realized that whatever and wherever God has me is the best plan for my life. It would be different if I came to Dallas on my own, but God clearly told me, “I’m sending you to Dallas.” So, I must remain in Dallas.

Today’s Bible reading coincidently was:

Here is my advice:
It would be good for you to finish what you started a year ago.
Last year you were the first who wanted to give,
and you were the first to begin doing it.
Now you should finish what you started.
Let the eagerness you showed in the beginning
be matched now by your giving.
Give in proportion to what you have.

2 Corinthians 8:10-11

Although this passage is about giving, it spoke to me about finishing what you start. About faithfulness to complete what you said you would do. Being faithful where you are planted and continuing in the way you began.

By God’s grace, I will and I pray you do too.

And while you’re at it, there’s still time to sneak in one more BBQ or summer road trip.

Read more

Hurray! I made it to one year! 🎉

It’s amazing how the vision for this blog has evolved from my first post.

I originally wanted it to be about Santa Monica, building seeds of faith and planting them in sandy soil because I was sure God had called me there.

Instead, he called me to Dallas (very clearly), and thankfully, it’s still about seeds of faith but more about planting them in sandy soil.

I see a theme of forging, suffering, persevering, and triumph emerging.

And the faithfulness of God.

Please continue on this journey with me!

Thank you for reading what I write ❤️

Dear Jesus,

Thank you for leading me this far.

Amen

I have a car.

A very nice one.

And yet, this past weekend, I still found myself enthralled with the idea of getting a luxury SUV. So, I spent hours reviewing the different makes and models in the mid-size SUV category—BMWs, Mercedes, Lexus, Acuras, you name it. Then I went to bed and felt guilty. I felt the guilt of the sin of greed—of wanting more than what I have for the sake of it—of not being content with what I have—of being discontent.

So I repented and went to sleep. When I woke up the following day, the first words I heard were “holy discontent.” As I was still sleepy and rising, I suddenly realized in a jolt of awareness that this was the voice of God! He was speaking to me! And it was directly in response to what had happened the night before.

He was saying it's ok to be discontent. But be discontent in the things the Lord cares about, which matter to his heart. Don’t be discontent with the make of your car, but be discontent that people in your neighborhood are sleeping outside. There are people in your church about to lose their homes or battling sickness. Be discontent with that!

Whew!

I prayed, and God led me to this verse:

Listen, my beloved brothers,
has not God chosen those who are poor in the world
to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom,
which he has promised to those who love him?

James 2:5 ESV

I love how James turns the words “rich” and “heirs” from carriers of wealth to carriers of heaven on Earth. You can be rich in faith instead of money and inherit the kingdom instead of property. And instead of the privileged obtaining these things…it’s the poor.

God’s Upside-Down Kingdom

In this Kingdom, the last are first. We are to watch for opportunities to serve, not be served. We are not to be satisfied with our privilege but to use it to help others.

I love this episode of Bible Project: What Does Jesus Say About Money?

It was so insightful. My big takeout was when co-host Jon Collins said God wants us to “give aggressively.” It sort of hit me as a perfect way of describing how God wants us to steward his resources. Er on giving too much. Ironically, I have the gift of giving, so I’m happy to do this. But living in this world of consumption and accumulation also challenges this.

When is it ever enough?

And he said to them,
“Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness,
for one's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.

Luke 12:15 ESV

One of the reasons I love being a Christian is that Jesus just checks every negative human impulse you can have—not in a way that brings shame but opens a door full of light on the other side. Even when Jesus says take up your cross and follow me (Matthew 16:24), there’s a great call on the other side.

How is God prompting you to holy discontent?

I’m continuing from my post An Unshakable Jesus Kingdom of God (Even in Dallas) which is based on this powerful scripture that my church is reciting each Sunday:

Do you see what we’ve got?
An unshakable kingdom!
And do you see how thankful we must be?
Not only thankful, but brimming with worship,
deeply reverent before God.
For God is not an indifferent bystander.
He’s actively cleaning house,
torching all that needs to burn,
and he won’t quit until it’s all cleansed.
God himself is Fire!

Hebrews 12:28-29 MSG

I want to focus on the bold text, “For God is not an indifferent bystander” and “God himself is Fire!

I have been sensing that God is done being “hidden,” so to speak. Not that he was really hidden, but in many ways, even as Christians, we live our lives like there is no God. We have prayer lists, church life, and many other spiritual pursuits, but God is invisible and a force we are reaching for. This is most evident on a national and international level. Maybe you can see God moving in your life, family, or church, but it’s sometimes difficult to discern how he’s moving in a nation or in the world at large.

I think this era is ending, and we will see more obvious movement from God—signs, wonders, miracles, or just God himself showing up big in situations.

God is Not and Never Was an Indifferent Bystander

A recent example of this is the attempted assassination of former president Donald Trump. The fact that that man survived is nothing short of a miracle. A simple head tilt saved his life. The timing that went into that can only be divinely orchestrated. It was not yet his time to go, and I pray this humbles his often bombastic behavior, hostility, and even cruelty to others and brings him closer to Jesus. A near-death experience can change your life.

Unfortunately and heartbreakingly, a man, Corey D. Comperatore, lost his life. His obituary states,

God was in control, and Corey is now with Jesus, called home too soon.

What I just couldn’t believe was that whatever you think of Trump, his life was spared.

God Himself is Fire

I sense we will see more cleansing in the Church body this year by God, who is fire himself. This is both the literal Church body and us, the other temple of God. Recently, I had two dreams about things burning, and I was frantically trying to warn people and put out the fire. I woke up wondering what the dreams might mean and prayed, and God brought the Hebrews scripture above to memory. I realized that he is also cleansing and torching me and my life. He is not an indifferent bystander in my life either.

It’s incredible to think of fire, such a destructive force, as a purifier. When forests burn, the fire that burns old brush brings new life. Indeed, did you know that some seeds are only activated when they come in contact with fire? Think about that!

If this is true of seeds, how much more is it true for humans? God is like a controlled burn, “torching all that needs to burn.” Some questions for you to ponder:

1. What in our lives needs a controlled burn?

2. What needs torching?

3. What needs cleansing?

4. What in my life can only be restored if it’s burned up and consumed by God’s holy fire?

As a new transplant to Dallas, Texas, I recently settled on a new church, and I love it! It’s a mobile church called Social Dallas in the heart of the Dallas metroplex.

Pastor Robert and Taylor Madu are gems in this city. The church is young and growing fast and has the typical challenges that come with that. The teaching resonates with me, and I love how Pastor Robert illuminates the word.

Here’s a great sermon on money, but it really ends up being about the gifts God has given you to serve. Every week of this sermon series called Hidden Figures, we think it’s about money, but it ends up being about the heart:

The church also has a word of the year, a scripture that the whole church stands and recites every Sunday and is encouraged to memorize. I love this and wish more churches did this:

Do you see what we’ve got?
An unshakable kingdom!
And do you see how thankful we must be?
Not only thankful,
but brimming with worship,
deeply reverent before God.
For God is not an indifferent bystander.
He’s actively cleaning house,
torching all that needs to burn,
and he won’t quit until it’s all cleansed.
God himself is Fire!

Hebrews 12:28-29 The Message

What I find to be only the cleansing holy fire of God is the torching he is doing in the Church, even in Dallas.

It’s been a tough past week for the body of Christ in Dallas. I keep wondering if it’s a coincidence that I am here for such a time as this. Two megachurch pastors, Tony Evans and Robert Morris, with large and influential followings in Dallas and around the world, stepped down from their preaching positions due to sin.

What affected me was that I wrestled with joining both these churches, Morris’ Gateway Church and Evan’s Oak Cliff Bible Fellowship, before settling on Social Dallas. I remember thinking that those two pastors and churches had withstood the test of time. They each had decades of teaching and preaching experience, had been tried and tested by time, and were, for the most part…. scandal-free.

Conversely, I also remember thinking that Robert Madu had not really been tried in the public eye for that long. Yes, he was not new to preaching as an itinerant preacher, but he had only led the church for five years. Compare that to 40. Imagine the knowledge and wisdom that comes with leading the same church for decades.

Yet, as with all things Gospel and the way of Jesus, what we see with our eyes is not always what God sees in the hearts of people—especially our revered leaders. Also, it’s important to say that there is nothing wrong with the members of the church; many of them were in the dark about the truth, I’m sure.

Rather, we judge by what we think are the criteria we should use to measure fruitfulness and success by size, influence, connections, location, and wealth. But Jesus says in the end, those don’t last anyway:

Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth,
where moth and rust destroy
and where thieves break in and steal,
but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven,
where neither moth nor rust destroys
and where thieves do not break in and steal.
For where your treasure is,
there your heart will be also.

Matthew 6:19-21 NIV

I keep thinking about Robert Morris and how everything he built (notice I didn’t say God built) is shattered. It’s such a cautionary tale of what happens when you build your house on a lie:

But everyone who hears these words of mine
and does not put them into practice
is like a foolish man who built his house on sand.
The rain came down, the streams rose,
and the winds blew and beat against that house,
and it fell with a great crash.
Matthew 7:26-27

All this is true…and yet!

We have a Savior who is mighty to save!

We belong to a kingdom that is unshakable!

Do you see what we’ve got?
An unshakeable kingdom!
And do you see how thankful we should be?

These are beautiful words for me this week. When all around is shaking and sinking sand, we have a Kingdom that has endured 2000 years of hostility and rejection, and yet it’s growing, expanding, and thriving.

He won’t quit until it’s all cleansed.

When you become or grow up as a Christian, you learn immediately that God is a Triune God. He is God in three persons: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. In that order.

I love the mystery of the Trinity and imagining what it means. As a child, it wasn’t hard to imagine, I suspect, because children have better imaginations. One way I heard the Trinity described is as a human who is, at the same time, a father, a son, and a husband. Though this captures the simultaneous roles, it still doesn’t capture the separateness of the Trinity. There’s a great illustration called The Shield of the Trinity that I find fascinating and is probably the best way of understanding it:

A beautiful illustration that only the Lord could have inspired someone to create.

As a Christian, I have grown up knowing the Father God and feeling his presence, hearing his voice, and, most importantly, sensing his guidance. I also blogged about the day that I met the Holy Spirit. However, in the last few years, I have realized that one member of the Holy Trinity is “missing,” as it were, in my life: Jesus. This came as a shock to me because I love Jesus and know everything there is to know about him from a human perspective, having read the Gospel many times.

He’s also preached about and centralized in sermons as part of church life, and we sing about him and talk about how he loves us and his sacrifice for humanity. Christmas and Easter are all about him. It’s all very familiar to me. And yet, I find that having access to Jesus is difficult.

I sense the Father’s love and guidance, and I sense the Holy Spirit’s comfort, wisdom, and teaching, but I don’t know where to put Jesus in that.

It has been quite a season of grappling for me. I even wondered if I truly believed! But I know I do; it’s just, what does it all mean?

The Jesus Dream

Then I had a dream, and Jesus was in it! It was quite special and I think of it often.

It was Sept 2022, and the short version is that I was looking through a window and a man who I thought was my Dad was beside me. We talked about shipping a package across the street to this old lady walking by. I finally said I’d do it, and right before I left, I turned to my “dad,” who now had turned into Jesus, and asked him all these questions about if he had “x” (I don’t remember what it was). He said yes, and I kept asking him if he had all these things, and he would open his coat and show me before I even asked that he indeed had all the things I was asking for. Then I decided we had all we needed to go, and he went in front of me, and I followed him down some stairs, fully confident he knew where we were going and what we would do. Then I woke up!

In this season of grappling with Jesus, I am putting it in the context of this dream. What does it mean to follow Jesus? What does it mean for him to be a present part of our everyday lives?

Jesus Says, “Follow Me.”

We are taught that Jesus died for our sins, rose again, and is reigning victoriously, but what does that mean for me today? We are taught that he says to love your enemies and bless those who curse you, but how does he fit into that action each day?

The scripture that I have hung onto during this time is this very practical one:

Philip said to Him,
“Lord, show us the Father,
and it is sufficient for us.”
Jesus said to him,
“Have I been with you so long,
and yet you have not known Me, Philip?
He who has seen Me has seen the Father;
so how can you say, ‘Show us the Father’?

John 14:8-9 (NKJV)

Or my version:

“Have I been with you so long, and yet you have not known Me, Beverly? He who has seen me has seen the Father.”

Going back to the Trinity, seeing Jesus is seeing the Father, so maybe seeing the Father is seeing Jesus? And seeing the Holy Spirit is seeing Jesus? This is still not a satisfying answer for me, though.

So, I recently re-read the Gospels with this specific question in mind: How does one Follow Jesus? Again, there was not much closure for this gnawing question for me after it; I still had the same questions of closeness and wanting to draw nearer.

So now I have come to the realization that the only way and the only person who can help me with revelation about this is Jesus himself. So I am waiting for revelation and knowledge on what it means to follow Jesus—which I think I am actively doing but don’t feel like I’m actively doing.

Some “Follow Mes”

1. Matthew 16:24 ESV

   Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”

2. Matthew 4:19 ESV

   And he said to them, “Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.”

3. Luke 9:23 ESV

   And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.”

4. John 10:27 ESV

   My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.”

5. Mark 10:21 ESV

   And Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, “You lack one thing: go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.”

6. BONUS: Matthew 25:40 NLT

   “And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’

Very interesting that I had a dream about following Jesus down a stairwell to deliver something to an old lady.

But what does it mean?

I welcome any interpretations in the comments, as well as how you feel connected to Jesus!

I have been praying for my new coworkers this month, one by one. I have wanted to do this consistently in all my jobs but never really did. I think this time is different because this job is such an answer to prayer. I’m so grateful that I am praying for this team and their private and public success.

A friend loves at all times,
and a brother is born for adversity.

Proverbs 17:17

They may not be in the category of friends yet, but the same principle applies. We should pray for those in our wider circle, especially when they face adversity.

Therefore confess your sins to each other
and pray for each other
so that you may be healed.
The prayer of a righteous person
is powerful and effective.

James 5:16

I have always taken this verse as a call to arms and a free license to pray lavishly for other people because there is a promise attached to it: you yourself will be healed, and this particular prayer is powerful and effective.

Win, win.

I also think about how much fewer problems would be in the church if we (myself included) prayed for each other more. All our burdens would be shared, which is the promise of Christ, to bear one another burdens. Granted people don’t always want to open up about what they are going through, but we can pray generally for them and cover all the bases. If they are human, it’s a sure bet that something is burdening them:

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
Galatians 6:2

Lift Where You Stand

Speaking of coworkers, one of mine recently shared with me the concept of “lift where you stand.” It means carrying and working on the section directly in your sphere of influence.

It’s perfectly exemplified in this video of how the Amish move a barn. Everyone literally lifts the section of the barn where they are standing!

Here are some ways to lift where you stand and carry the burden of others around you so that you might be healed and have your own effective prayer.

How to Pray for Your Friends

1. Thank God for their lives

2. Pray for protection

3. Pray for good health (mental, physical)

4. Pray for wisdom over finances

5. Pray for their occupation or the search for one

6. Pray for wisdom over parenting

7. Pray for their marriage or, if single, their hope for marriage or flourishing in singleness.

8. Pray that they will either come to know the Lord or grow in their faith

9. Finally, pray that God will bless them and lead them into his will

To start, you can write a list of 30 friends/coworkers and pray over each one daily for a month, then rinse and repeat.

I’m of the opinion that while not favoring anyone in the body of Christ, God does listen intently to those who pray for others because it’s so hard to do. It’s also much easier to have faith on behalf of others than faith in yourself, like the paralytic’s friends who lowered him down to be healed by Jesus.

We would all rather pray for our immediate needs and problems. But what if you took time to pray for a friend or even a stranger? Someone you saw at the grocery store? A nameless human who you discerned through the Holy Spirit was going through difficulty. We could impact the world around us if we did this consistently—whatever that looks like for you.

The Lord led me to James 3:12 early this morning.

My brothers and sisters,
can a fig tree bear olives,
or a grapevine bear figs?
Neither can a salt spring
produce fresh water.

James 3:12 (NIV)

The larger context of the verse is that James is writing to believers outside Jerusalem. Chapter 3 is centered around “Taming the Tongue” and is well known for its scathing admonition of all things speech. He explains that,

…no human being can tame the tongue.
It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father,
and with it we curse human beings,
who have been made in God’s likeness.

James 3:8-9 (NIV)

And right after that, he says, “Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing” (10). So by the time we get to 3:12, the imagery lands: can a fig tree bear olives or a grapevine bear figs?

We cannot produce what we were made not to produce.

We are made in the image of the Almighty God, Jehovah. The original design for humans did not include the ability to produce poison from our mouths, but The Fall and subsequent brokenness corrupted our thoughts and speech.

So now what was made to produce fresh water produces salty water.

There is another way to look at this passage, which struck me when I first read it. Still, from the lens of purpose and God’s design: don’t try to be what you are not. If God has called you to x, it makes no sense to do y.

If God has made, purposed, and called you to be a fig tree, why are you trying to produce olives?

The metaphor holds when you consider that it is impossible for a fig tree to produce grapes. In the same way, if you are called to a chef but are languishing in a career as an attorney, your life will not produce the fruit you were meant to produce.

Yet in God’s mercy and sovereignty, as the Gardener, he will graft you where you are onto another branch, and you can still be fruitful because, with God, all things are possible (Matthew 19:26 (NIV).

It’s really interesting that, on the one hand, we can bear much fruit, yet on the other hand, without Jesus, we can do nothing:

I am the vine;
you are the branches.
If you remain in me and I in you,
you will bear much fruit;
apart from me you can do nothing.

John 15:5 (NIV)

There is a constant tension in life of being fruitful and not being fruitful, feeling productive and not, feeling useful and not, sensing meaning and not. If you live long enough, you should catch a glimpse of both sides: fruitfulness and unfruitfulness.

Some questions for the reader (feel free to pick one and answer in the comments):

1. When have you felt most fruitful, even if it was just once?

2. When do you feel most unproductive and without meaning?

3. Where do you sense the tug and nudge of God inviting you into something?

4. What is some “fruit” you produced that was all from God’s grace?

Then he said to his disciples,
“The harvest is plentiful
but the workers are few.
Ask the Lord of the harvest,
therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.”

Matthew 9:37-38

Greetings, Sand and Seeders! It’s been a minute.

A lot has happened in the month of April for me. I got a new job and a new car, and I’m in a new state, city, neighborhood, and apartment; praise God!

When God says he makes all things new, he isn’t kidding. I am so thankful for this answered prayer. I started this blog shortly after I became unemployed, and it helped keep me focused on what matters.

I hope to get back to a regular posting schedule, hopefully once a week, every Thursday.

Here’s a bit about what I have been watching, reading, and reflecting on during April’s great time of transition.

Japan

God put Japan in my heart a long time ago. I would pray about where to intercede for missionaries and even where to “go”; he would always sense Japan. I visited once for only 24 hours on a layover. I got to walk the streets of Tokyo, have authentic sushi and ramen, and cross the busiest crosswalk, Shibuya Crossing, which was an amazing experience.

I even got lost in the subway.

When I finally found my way onto a train with the help of two Japanese students who spoke English and saw my panicked look, I remember sensing a distinct feeling of isolation. Not the normal tourist disorientation, but that other people on the train seemed lost, disillusioned, and hopeless. Tokyo is a beautiful city with very friendly people, but this sense stayed with me as I walked around and felt a lack of…hope.

Japan has been resurfacing for me recently, to the point that the YouTube algorithm (which the Holy Spirit sometimes commandeers) served up this amazing video below.

Did you know that Japan is the 2nd largest unreached people group in the World? They are less than 2% Christian. This is surprising because it is such an advanced nation in many ways, including art, music, fashion, technology, architecture, you name it. But there are two things that have created a barrier to the spread of the Gospel there:

1. A very homogenous and harmonized people, which makes Japan an amazingly preserved culture. Conformity is seen as good (as opposed to say America where being different is celebrated).

2. Brokeness. There is a lot of pain and shame in Japan that has not been dealt with, and you sense this.

To give you a better idea, here is the video I came across that more eloquently explains this further. I was particularly moved by Ayaka’s story (lady in the thumbnail) in the end about her call back home to be a witness after living abroad.

Let’s pray for Japan:

A Rise in Orthodoxy

Apparently, there is an uptick in Christians moving towards the Orthodox church. I am not surprised to learn this. I can see how their solemnity, tradition, and stability can appear to offer a refuge from the scandal-ridden, entertainment-focused “churchianity” of the Protestant and Catholic faiths. Like maybe you, I have always seen our Orthodox brothers and sisters as a bit out there and maybe errant in their beliefs. This video by Ruslan was very illuminating and corrected many of my erroneous beliefs. I came away with a deep respect for this practice and curiosity, and I even plan to attend a service myself.

The ancient split between Catholics and Orthodox is so minute, but the centuries have increased the divide from a crack to a great chasm.

This is a shame; we have much to learn from each other:

Gen Z Men

Lastly, I’ve been a fan of Carey Nieuwhof’s podcast on Christian leadership. He recently had Scott Galloway, an atheist, on the show, and the conversation was so eye-opening. If you have been around young men or have a teenage boy in your life, this might resonate. The data out there on this generation is not looking good. But there is hope, and Scott offers some helpful solutions.

Live in Hope

Hope is a big theme of this blog, as you might have noticed. I have many posts on it. I see a theme here at the end of this writing of a hopeless world, with some people grasping for anything to fill the void and others checked out and waiting to die. Neither of these is God’s plan for humanity. Join me in praying, like Saint Monica did, for them to get connected to their maker.

We are all mini-empire builders, creating billions of tiny kingdoms around us. Because we exist only in our own body, mind, and soul, it is the default setting of humanity to think through this one perspective: myself.

But the Kingdom of God is upside down and invites us to repent and go the other way. To say this is difficult is an understatement. I can only be done with the help of a mediator and leader, Jesus.

I’ve started reading the Gospels this month, hoping to answer the question I’ve had for a long time: what does it mean to follow Jesus?

Following connotes that someone is leading, and you can see where you’re going. But how can you follow someone you cannot see? Let’s turn to the scriptures for some illumination.

Self-Denial

I suspect this will be a life-long journey of discovering the answer. I have some inclinations about what it means. For instance, I know there’s a lot of self-denial involved, which, now that I think about it, is probably the most important part—the denial of self.

Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines Self-denial as “a restraint or limitation of one's own desires or interests.” So much of what Jesus says fits under this umbrella. The do unto others, the love your enemies, the love God and love others, and other teachings on humility and mercy. They all have an outward focus, and when they do have an inward focus, like the plank in your eye, it is still to help you see the spec of dust in your neighbor’s eye.

Follow Jesus

There are several scriptures where Jesus talks about what it means to follow him. Here is one from each Gospel:

And he said to them,
“Follow me,
and I will make you fishers of men.”

Matthew 4:19 ESV

And calling the crowd to him with his disciples,
he said to them, “If anyone would come after me,
let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.

Mark 8:34 ESV

Again Jesus spoke to them, saying,
“I am the light of the world.
Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness,
but will have the light of life.”

John 8:12 ESV

When Jesus heard this, he said to him,
“One thing you still lack.
Sell all that you have and distribute to the poor,
and you will have treasure in heaven;
and come, follow me.”

Luke 18:22 ESV

and one more from John for good measure since he has a lot to say on this subject:

My sheep hear my voice,
and I know them,
and they follow me.

John 10:27 ESV

To What End?

It appears there are several reasons why we should one, deny self and two, follow Jesus:

1. To serve (fishers of men)

2. To be blessed (treasures in heaven)

3. To walk with God (My sheep hear my voice)

4. To help others and participate in redeeming the World (light of the world)

5. To keep from sin and temptation (will not walk in darkness)

Indirectly, Jesus also shows other reasons for following him:

1. To be saved (John 3:16).

2. To bring glory to God (John 15:7-8)

3. To gain access to The Father (John 14:6)

4. To show others what Christians are like (John 13:35)

And lastly, Paul’s admonition says it best:

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.
Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,
not looking to your own interests
but each of you to the interests of the others.

Philippians 2:3-4 NIV

Resist the urge to build your own Kingdom. Instead, join the work of two millennia and help build God’s Kingdom on earth.

God is consistent even when we are not. He never changes:

For I am the LORD, I change not;

Malachi 3:6

He is a provider when we are tossed into places of scarcity and lack. We are blessed that our heavenly Father is rich in mercy and love and can bless us in every season.

I’ve been praying for a full-time job for five months now, and finally, the Lord has answered my prayer! I started writing seriously through this blog the day after my first real rejection letter from a job I applied for. I felt helpless and didn’t know what the future looked like but I felt a clear call to get up each night and write about my journey through the desert.

Desert seasons are so important because they test our resilience. We can say a lot on the mountain tops of plenty and comfort. But will we still say those things in the valley of uncertainty?

I have had peaks and valleys, many false starts, dashed hopes, and rejection. But in hindsight, it’s all been for good because I’ve continued. I would never have guessed that I would have had this much peace, joy, and normalcy in unemployment. But it’s only because of God and his steady hand of provision. I have never lacked! He foresaw this season and provided for me in advance. As if he really cared for me; as if I was his child.

This week, I’ve been reflecting on this verse:

Therefore do not be anxious, saying,
‘What shall we eat?’ or
‘What shall we drink?’ or
‘What shall we wear?’
For the Gentiles seek after all these things,
and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.

Matthew 6:31-32 ESV

He knows that we need all these things. And in the valleys, he will provide.

In the story of life, we are not the main characters—we're extras! There are only a couple of Elijahs, Moseses, and Davids—one Jesus. We have to understand our assignment and work to fit into it. Sometimes, this leads to a peak of success, and other times, to a valley of dependency.

I’m happy to be transitioning into a season of full-time work again. One big lesson from this time is that God wastes nothing. I was and felt tremendously productive even though I had no job. I still had plenty to do and lived with the hope that someday, my situation would change. I learned that I actually do practice what I preach as I practiced drawing nearer to God in this season. I leaned on God daily for guidance and hope.

Hope is my word of the year. It’s been a lighthouse for me—just that word. Every time I hear it, my ears prick up.

Hope.

Rejoice in hope,
be patient in tribulation,
be constant in prayer.

Romans 12:12 ESV